How Can I Leave Them?

Leaving my family after the holidays is always a difficult time for me. This time seems to be the hardest yet though. There is so much uncertainty, sickness and trial at home. Everyone seems to be going through a struggle or major sickness.

When I’m home, I try my best to divide my time equally with everyone, bringing love and support, that, often they go without because I live so far away. I spend time praying and encouraging them, helping however I can with the needs they have. We laugh, cry and hug. We sit talking for what seems like hours, catching up and sharing about life. This time is always so fulfilling for me. I enjoy it to the core!

I moved to Kauai 13 years ago. Thirteen years, wow! Before I moved, I felt the tug many of us have felt, the tug to go and make a difference. I knew there was a great need on Kauai, but I didn’t know the ministry God had in store for me there. Leaving home was hard at the time, but I counted the cost; serving God was what I said yes to. There have been days during those years that definitely were hard and lonely, but God has always shown himself faithful and got me through them.

On this trip, I felt so burdened, so heavy, almost as if I couldn’t spend enough time with them. To protect their privacy, I won’t go into detail of their personal trials, but for some, the future seems bleak. I guess on this trip, I have been reminded of the value of life. Our days are never promised to us, and numbered by God, only He knows how many we have.

When you live far from home, there is such a greater meaning to the word family. There is nothing sweeter than a hug from a family
Member. A hug from someone who has known you their entire life, and they are still willing to hug you. Haha, I’m sure some miss the beauty of what I’m talking about.

As I sit in the airport writing this, I find myself wanting to fix things for everyone. I want to solve all their problems and take away all their pain. It’s easy to want to carry the burden for them. As I thought this, I felt the whisper, “you’re not meant to carry the burden, I Am.” This is what Jesus came to do, to carry the burden; to make light the heaviest of moments with the peace that only He can give.

Philippians 4:6
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.

I won’t for one second say this is easy to do, it isn’t. It’s the hardest lesson one might ever learn in life. I make myself sick with worry sometimes. When stress is upon me, I can’t get it out of my head. It literally consumes me. I’m a big baby at times, I’ll cry and cry and cry because I can’t change a situation that is stressful in my life. After all the tears, God, in all His grace, doesn’t give up on me, out of frustration of my stupidity or lack of faith. Nope, in a sense he gives that loving touch of a mom, who tucks the hair behind your ear, and whispers, “it’s gonna be ok, it’s always going to be ok.” Within a week of my life seeming as if it’s over, I find myself living out this peace; I’m relieved over whatever I was facing and it truly is all ok.

I want you to know that God doesn’t waist the things we face in this life. He is with you and I believe with all my heart that we go through trying,’hard times to bring us to a better understanding of our Lord. In them, we understand His beauty, love and nurture. He shows us that even though we can’t, He can.

The Lord delights in those He loves. He loves you and I so much. Even in the turmoil of life, He holds you. He is with you and He will never leave you. Never!! My challenge for you (and myself) is that in this New Year, when you receive bad news, are fighting cancer, struggling to pay the bills, battling addiction, or frustrated with life, that you take a moment to write down 7 times God showed himself faithful in your life. Then pray, thank Him for His faithfulness and trust Him with your uncertainty. Cling and feel Him lift you up. I may be far from my family, but my God is very near to them! I can trust them to Him. Love you all.